Romney, Jax Teller, and How I Got Screwed Out of a Pony AND Automatic Weapons

Who won the second presidential debate last night? Me and everyone else who didn’t watch it.

Winning.

While I didn’t watch the debate last night, I did follow along on Twitter, and as far as I can tell here’s what happened: Romney told us keeps his women organized in binders; there was talk of some guy named Jeremy; all of the undecided voters at this Town Hall were REALLY white except for Lorraine, who Romney might have been trying to seduce by pronouncing her name correctly, repeatedly; and that Romney believes that people were shot in a Colorado movie theater because of single moms and The Fast and The Furious.

“I keep women in binders; the President proposes we keep using Trapper Keepers. It is exactly this kind of outdated thinking  and wasteful spending that’s increasing our deficit and telling Russia they can do whatever they want.” -How I imagine Romney brought up the binders thing.

I didn’t watch the debate last night for two reasons: 1. I’m not an undecided voter. I voted for Obama absentee in Virginia and nothing that could have happened last night would have changed my vote.; 2. Sons of Anarchy was on and I reasoned that listening to the characters on that show expound on the importance of family values would be more entertaining than anything Romney could come up with.

Sons of Anarchy is all about family values…especially if your family values gun running, muling heroin, and porn.

Actually, right when my Twitter feed was blowing up about how Romney thinks single moms are to blame for gun violence, Jax Teller was bashing some guy’s head in with a snow globe, so y’know, well done two parent home for giving your child the ingenuity to really think outside the box when it comes to killing a guy.

When you really think about it, the character of Jax Teller is exactly the sort of small business man Romney says he’s all about: he comes from a heterosexual, two parent family; he’s worked hard to become the president of a very exclusive and lucrative enterprise; he’s a homeowner, a taxpayer, and father- by Romney logic, he’s a model citizen.

Only bad fathers wouldn’t tattoo their crack baby’s name across their chest.

As I was climbing into my warm and cozy binder last night and reaching to turn out the light (because without our beauty rest, we ladies might end up single moms with gun-toting children) I was still troubled by something: I was raised by a single mom, but I never had my own guns or the desire to gun down a room full of people.

When I was a kid I wanted a pony, but because of the whole “we’re poor” thing, I was deprived of the joy that comes from having your own dapple-grey Welsh pony that you’d name Sprinkles, feed apples and carrots to, and ride everyday; I was deprived shit-less.

I am not the happy girl in this picture whose mother clearly loves her.

I’ve basically come to terms with the fact that neither of my parents ever loved me enough to get me a pony, but now I’ve learned that my single mother also failed to provide me access to automatic and semi-automatic weapons. She was so busy making sure I could read and paying attention to my basic well-being, that she couldn’t be bothered to cultivate and foster violent tendencies in me or my brother.

Thanks mom. What else didn’t you do right?

11 responses to “Romney, Jax Teller, and How I Got Screwed Out of a Pony AND Automatic Weapons

  1. Great post and thank you for the eye candy. I love SoA.

  2. Loved your post! I live in the UK but, having watched part of the debate on YouTube today, I wouldn’t trust Romney with my shopping list!

  3. Oops, sorry! My post should have read ‘Presidential’. I should really be more careful before I press the post comment box!!!

    • I make mistakes like that all the time! No worries at all :)

      A Romney presidency would be terrible for the rest of the world for the simple fact that this man has no foreign policy experience, not to mention his complete, nearly sociopathic inability to connect and empathize with another human being.

      As a US citizen, I remember what it was like meeting people from other countries during the George W. Bush years; I don’t want to have to apologize for my country again for another four to eight years.

  4. Hysterical.., you are so right about Jax. The perfect Romney/RNC son. How come they dont look like Jax? Not manly enough, I guess.
    And dont worry about the pony -they are really nasty and bite their [rich] owners over 30% of the time. A good trait perhaps.
    [And I also loved the eye candy .... I dont know about the biker thing, but men need to be objectified and used for personal filth fantasy as much as women, dont you think??]

    • Thanks for reading!

      I think it’s funny y’all are calling that picture of Jax “eye-candy.” I think Kim Coates is way more attractive (it’s his baby blues. the tall dark and handsome doesn’t hurt either…) Truth be told, I don’t know that we should objectify anyone, but I see nothing wrong with a healthy appreciation for an aesthetically pleasing individual ;)

  5. Hey Nora,

    This post got me to watch 5 seasons (yes 5 seasons) of Jax and Teller Motors…post something new damn it!

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