Who won the second presidential debate last night? Me and everyone else who didn’t watch it.
While I didn’t watch the debate last night, I did follow along on Twitter, and as far as I can tell here’s what happened: Romney told us keeps his women organized in binders; there was talk of some guy named Jeremy; all of the undecided voters at this Town Hall were REALLY white except for Lorraine, who Romney might have been trying to seduce by pronouncing her name correctly, repeatedly; and that Romney believes that people were shot in a Colorado movie theater because of single moms and The Fast and The Furious.
I didn’t watch the debate last night for two reasons: 1. I’m not an undecided voter. I voted for Obama absentee in Virginia and nothing that could have happened last night would have changed my vote.; 2. Sons of Anarchy was on and I reasoned that listening to the characters on that show expound on the importance of family values would be more entertaining than anything Romney could come up with.
Actually, right when my Twitter feed was blowing up about how Romney thinks single moms are to blame for gun violence, Jax Teller was bashing some guy’s head in with a snow globe, so y’know, well done two parent home for giving your child the ingenuity to really think outside the box when it comes to killing a guy.
When you really think about it, the character of Jax Teller is exactly the sort of small business man Romney says he’s all about: he comes from a heterosexual, two parent family; he’s worked hard to become the president of a very exclusive and lucrative enterprise; he’s a homeowner, a taxpayer, and father- by Romney logic, he’s a model citizen.
As I was climbing into my warm and cozy binder last night and reaching to turn out the light (because without our beauty rest, we ladies might end up single moms with gun-toting children) I was still troubled by something: I was raised by a single mom, but I never had my own guns or the desire to gun down a room full of people.
When I was a kid I wanted a pony, but because of the whole “we’re poor” thing, I was deprived of the joy that comes from having your own dapple-grey Welsh pony that you’d name Sprinkles, feed apples and carrots to, and ride everyday; I was deprived shit-less.
I’ve basically come to terms with the fact that neither of my parents ever loved me enough to get me a pony, but now I’ve learned that my single mother also failed to provide me access to automatic and semi-automatic weapons. She was so busy making sure I could read and paying attention to my basic well-being, that she couldn’t be bothered to cultivate and foster violent tendencies in me or my brother.
Thanks mom. What else didn’t you do right?